New Year

Here we are, in a new year. For many people, New Years is a time of renewal, resolutions, fresh starts. For the parents of a child with special needs and a terminal condition, it is such a bittersweet thing. It is the promise of yet another year that their child has survived.

But there is also the fear of "What if this is THE year...?"

Oh, the nagging reminder that lives with us each day. Sometimes we can go days without thinking about "it". But other times, it threatens to choke me with the weight of it.

Will this be the year we have to say goodbye to her?

Even when things are going "well" and she's been healthy (for her) and been out of the hospital and relatively stable, there is always that nagging fear in the back of our minds. The holidays are also a hard time for that, and a constant reminder.

What if this is her last Christmas with us?

The pressure to make it all as perfect as it can be, just in case there isn't another one...

So, will you please pray for our hearts? It is a lot to handle. And yes, I know we shouldn't worry about such things, but it can't be helped. It's there. It hit me the very first Christmas, especially as I took down the Christmas decorations. I began to cry and wondered if she'd be around to see them again the next year.

Of course, we have been blessed now with FOUR Christmases with her, and pray for many more. But the next one is never a guarantee, for any of us really. We thought last year that she wouldn't be with us at that Christmas, but she pulled through and we had her then AND this past one. And we are thankful.

On another note, please pray for her health. There is SO much sickness going around right now, and we've had several close exposures to the flu in particular, and our oldest is currently sick with a low grade temperature and sniffles. It is once again a reminder that even when she is doing well, she is just one sickness away from serious complications. Thank you!