Monday, September 23, 2013

Tummy Issues

Please pray for our girl tonight. I'll spare you the yucky details, but she's having some tummy issues (bowels specifically) and we are having to give her lots of extra "hands-on" help and she's still got more inside her that we can feel when we press on her abdomen.  :(  She's definitely uncomfortable but not having a back up of feeds in her stomach or anything, so we are hoping we can get her cleaned out and "moving" on her own as much as possible and avoid more invasive measures. Thanks!

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Heart Thoughts-Heaven

Since Waverly has been born, I have noticed a strange phenomenon in my own life and perspective. I see so much more pain than I ever have noticed before, but I also see so much more beauty as well. Every little thing, like a smile, her being awake, time together as a family, hold so much more meaning than ever before, because I am more keenly aware than ever that it could all change in a moment. There are times that my heart just sings from the seemingly small things.

However, this morning I woke up with a profound sadness in my heart. Not a self-pity, not a weariness, just a sadness in missing "something." I feel incomplete. Not quite right. And I realized I am missing HEAVEN.

There are times that I realize as I go day to day that how it's supposed to be. There is MORE. So much more.... The beauty that is here all around is tainted. Even the most beautiful things. And it's hitting me hard today, a longing for heaven.

For those who read this blog, if you only remember one thing ever, remember this-THERE IS MORE. All of this is not in vain. This is not the best that it gets. The whole purpose of all of this life is for a higher purpose. I'm not talking about some theoretical "higher purpose" that sounds all lofty and mysterious and "nice." It's GOD'S purpose. For HIS glory.

We were made to glorify Him. Either we do or we don't. Just as in life, there are consequences for whatever path we are on, to glorify Him or not.

Oh I fall short. We all do. None of us is perfect. But the amazing thing is that that is the point. We can't do it fully on our own. We NEED Him. It's called grace. Redemption. Mercy. JESUS.

If in all of this we are not clinging to Him and pointing others to Him, then we have failed. It's not about how we are such good people, or how cute Waverly is, or how special we are to have her, or how many lives she's "touched." Even though those are all good and nice, there is more. And my soul is feeling that this morning. I am not home. This is not home. This is not how it's supposed to be.

And I can't wait for it to all be made right again. Not in an "I can't take this anymore" way. But because this morning, while I still see and delight in all the beauty around, I see a lot of ugly too. Ugly world. Ugly sin. Blemished, tainted, broken. But one day, it will all be made right again, and I can't wait to worship Him in glory. Worship Him with me now, today. And let's worship together forever in heaven too.

Come, Lord Jesus, come.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Heart thoughts-Doing a Good Job

Apparently this is something I've needed to hear the past month or so. "You're doing a good job."  Truth be told, it often doesn't feel that way. Don't get me wrong, most of the time I don't feel like I'm failing miserably or anything. But I am a perfectionist. And even though I can be honest with myself and see the ways that we are doing well, there are plenty of things that I see that are also in need of improvement. 

Yet these words keep coming to me from various places: the PICU doctor; a friend; my mother; a trainer at the gym; a new nurse in training. All the same: "You're doing a good job." 

But I wonder what they would think, what they would say, if they saw me day in and day out. If they saw my heart, my mind, my attitude. There is so much to do here, and so much that can be done. And often I just ignore it. There are always papers to file, medical info to be updated, supplies to be organized, treatments and medications to be researched, clothes to wash and fold, supplies to be changed out and ordered, new therapies and gadgets to call about, appointments to be rescheduled. The list could go on and on. Slowly I'm learning to tackle things one at a time. And of course those things that are high priority get taken care of first. But if I had a nickel for each time I repeat to someone "That's on my list of things to look into." then I'd have a lot of nickels. 

I question how I spend my time. I question my time spent working, my time spent at the gym or running, my time spent out taking care of other things. I question the treatments we've chosen or not, the appointments we skip and the ones we make her go to, the decision to take her out of the house to an event or the decision to leave her home. 

The truth is, even though I know we are doing as good of a job as we can, it's still hard. As a parent, there will always be a hundred things a day we can question. With Waverly, there are more like a million. 

And even though I know we are taking the best care of her that we can, God must be seeing something that I don't even fully realize is there. And He is using others to repeat to me time and again this past month in particular, "You are doing a good job."

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

A sweet face

Had to share this sweet picture from a few weeks ago and then a cute pic from last Sunday at church with her cute piggy tails. 

Monday, September 2, 2013

Quick update

I apologize for being a terrible blogger lately. We've just had a lot going on, both with Waverly and with life (the 2 older kids starting school, etc.). After my last post Waverly straightened herself out a bit, and had a pretty good week and a half. Every day is its own day, and she likes to throw random issues at us day-to-day, but in general, she's done pretty well after her little episode then, so we are thankful. I rocked her at bedtime like I usually do tonight, and she actually fell asleep in my arms and stayed asleep when I put her down, so that was sweet! (Lately she's been a stinker and won't settle down when I'm rocking her or she'll fall asleep but then wake right back up after I put her in bed!)