New House, Old Fears

Isn't that the most beautiful hallway you've ever seen? That is the hallway in our soon-to-be NEW house!! We started looking around at homes a few months ago, just to see what was out there. We currently live in a two-story Colonial home (that we LOVE), but the bedrooms are all on the second floor. Waverly has gotten a lot bigger the past year (36 pounds now!), and it simply got unsafe to be carrying her up and down the steps. We ended up finding a home that we loved, that had all the bedrooms on the main level and had hardwood floors, and was in our price range! We close on the house this week.

Of course, with the new house, and the changes that come with it, old fears are surfacing for me. I first experienced these types of fears back when I was working full time and was finally able to quit my job. It was VERY needed, as it was so hard to work full time and feel like I wasn't able to be here with her (and my older two). I was stressed trying to get to her appointments, and when she was sick and I had to leave her and couldn't be there with her, it broke my heart. And my heart was especially broken over missing time with her, knowing that our time with her is limited anyway.

But as the time to quit that job approached, I got this terrible fear. I wondered, if NOW that I had quit, if NOW was the time for her to spiral downward. What if my quitting was the "perfect storm", opportunity for her to pass? I of course did NOT want to keep working full time away from her and miss time with her. But I was so scared of her passing, and then looking back in retrospect and realizing it was so great that I had quit so that I had that little bit of extra time with her. I don't even know if that makes sense. It didn't help that the very month after I quit, she got very, very sick.

But here I am again, struggling through some of the same emotions. What if we finally decided we needed to make some more permanent environmental changes (by moving into a handicap accessible home), only to find out that she ends up passing away before or shortly after we move?

What if we buy this house for our daughter and she isn't here to be in it for long? 

And that is a haunting, aching fear to carry. I know it seems irrational, and why in the world would I even think such terrible thoughts, and don't I know that it's silly to borrow trouble that isn't even there? But I can't help those fears from creeping up and gripping me when I least expect it.

I take those fears to my Father, though. He knows my struggles in this journey, and it is no surprise to Him.

Would you rejoice with us in this good news, but also help carry me in this struggle? And if you are local, and can lend a hand to us with moving help, please let me know!

Back home!

Waverly was able to get her MRI without sedation!  I kept her awake all day and then we gave her melatonin right before, and she did great!  

Thankfully, the results were "no new findings" with her brain. If they had found something on the MRI, honestly it would have been pretty bad news, so the fact that there was no change is good. 

But it does mean that we don't know why her seizures have increased. At this point, the only thing we can think is simply that the seizures are no longer responding to the medication. We have increased two of her meds, and will go from there. 

She was able to come home yesterday afternoon, and we are so thankful for that! 

Enjoy a few more hospital pics. 

Our sleepover arrangements. (Not comfortable, in case you're wondering.) 

Heading in to the MRI. 

So sleepy. 

On the way home! 

So happy to be snuggling with mommy at HOME!! 

Seizures and Hospital

So, here we are at the hospital again. Waverly has had a sharp increase in seizures lately, and the past week, especially the past few days, have been particularly hard. After debating what to do (and being very unsure), we brought her in to the ER yesterday to get her checked out and try to get some help. They decided to admit her, and after feeling like I was in between and trying to pacify several doctors with differing views who weren't talking to each other, we finally got a plan.

After having an almost 20 minute seizure last night and needing Ativan through her IV, she stopped. She had many more seizures that night until she went to bed. 

Today has been all about waiting. They have her on the schedule to get an MRI, so we are just waiting for them to have room for her. Some things you can pray for:
-that she can have the MRI without sedation and be still enough for a valid test
-for protection if she does end up needing sedation
-for wisdom/answers in how to help treat her seizures and how to proceed

Tune in!

Tune in to this call tonight (you just listen in) to hear how our family has been blessed!