These past 3 years, I've struggled with each changing of the seasons. And it's always been a bit of a mystery to me. Why do I struggle with feelings of sadness and anxiety, with the simple passing of one season into the next? Recently, though, I may have narrowed it down.Control.
The passing of summer into fall this year has brought with it my normal pensive thoughts, and this time I realized why. No matter what is going on in life, what is happening in or around you, the seasons change. There is nothing that we can do to stop it or slow it down. It simply happens. In one aspect, it is God's grace. He keeps things going.
But it represents for me the fact that a time in life is coming that I simply don't want to face. Having a chronically ill child whose condition will eventually take them far too early in life makes you realize that your time with them is far too short. And when that time comes, there will be nothing that I can do to stop it or slow it down. It will simply happen, just like the changing of the seasons. This season of my life will change, and I will be forced to live in the next, whether I like it or not.
I love fall and the beauty that the colors bring. But I know that winter is coming, with its bitter cold and lack of color. Everything will be slower, darker, colder. And so the challenge for me is always to savor the beauty that is here and now, and not fear what is to come.
And oh, how I long for the day when each moment can be treasured with no taint of sorrow or sickness or pain. When each moment is pure joy and worship. Until that day, I will strive to live in hope and expectation, trusting in His goodness to sustain me through these changing seasons.
"He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord." -Psalm 112:7
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