Heart Thoughts-Letting Go

Sometimes it's just the little things that make this journey difficult.  The unexpected that find you blinking back the tears, frustrated because you weren't expecting the emotions at that time, sad at the circumstances that bring up those emotions.  (For instance, putting away our Christmas decorations broke my heart.  I had no idea until I was doing it, wondering if she'd ever see them again...)

We sold the crib this week.  It didn't even hit me until we were taking it down and the other family was taking it out, piece by piece.  We have had a crib in our home for over 5 years.  And we still have a baby who should be using it, for a couple of years still at least.  But here we are letting it go.

We have to let so much go.

It's not that she couldn't use it, but we had the amazing blessing of being able to get a SleepSafe bed for her, so we are taking that opportunity.  We are so thankful for that.  But we had to make room for it, which meant getting rid of the crib quickly so we didn't have to juggle a crib and a twin size bed in a tiny room. 

I also got rid of our Bumbo seat this week too.  Another one of the "typical" baby items that Waverly will be unable to use.  There was no need in keeping it around taking up space.  Another way of letting go.

And then there was the meeting with a lady from an agency about services for Waverly.  She is on a waiting list that is at least 10 years long.  And the lady was talking about transitions that come when a child turns 18.  When I found my voice, I conveyed to her with tears in my eyes that it'd be a miracle to have to address that transition time. 

I don't like to cry in front of other people, especially strangers.

And then there was coffee with friends.  Such a good time to get away and have a breather and enjoy time with friends.  We were talking about how to love and encourage each other and others, and the topic of when Waverly was born came up and how so many people loved on us so well.  But something she said has stuck with me.

"When Waverly was born, we were all just in shock."

Wow.  I knew it was hard for close friends and those who knew us.  But to hear it straight from someone, and when I wasn't expecting it, was hard.  She wasn't in any way being insensitive in what she was saying, but it just hit me coming straight from someone on that side of things.  Because I can imagine how it'd be. 

(As a side note, these two friends that I was with have been some of the most supportive, loving gals these past months especially in coming along side of me and offering love, encouragement, support, and practical help.  Thanks ladies!)

And then there's the time with the physical therapist, going over wheelchair options, bath chairs, and other various adaptive stuff that we are going to need in the coming months.  Up to now, we've pretty much been able to use the normal baby stuff for her, but as she's growing, and growing out of those things, we have to start looking at things for kids with special needs.  It's both bittersweet, as it means she is growing and getting older, but also isn't going to be able to do things that other babies her age do, like sit on the floor with toys and play, or bounce in an exersaucer, or crawl around and get into things, etc.

Letting go.

But when we let go of things, our hands are open to receive more blessings.  Blessings we wouldn't have received if we were still holding on to those other things.  Yes, I still grieve the things that are gone, or that won't be, but I can also celebrate the new blessings that have come as a result.  Even if it means that there has been pain and sadness in the midst.  Just the fact that we have been given this miraculous blessing to have and to love is more blessing than we ever could deserve.  So even though it has meant we have had much to let go of, we have had much to hold on to.  And that makes my heart full.